The title of this post really says it all. Artist, Carl Warner, has created little vignettes out of food that he aptly calls, “Foodscapes” (get it? Food + Landscape) and I am totally in love with them. On days like today when it is -18 degrees below zero outside in beautiful Vermont, I want to crawl into these little lands of food and live in harmony with the cheese castle and bread mountains, I can almost smell the produce-scented breeze from here. Mmmmm…. Follow this link to see more exceptionally delicious foodscapes from Carl Warner:

http://www.neatorama.com/2008/01/05/carl-warners-foodscapes/

This makes me feel all squiggly on the inside, I love it so much that it makes my insides hurt. Where can I get one and how soon can it be delivered? I have been saying this for years, but when are scientists going to come around and focus on what should be their main concern: Stunting animals in the baby stage so that they will never grow. This is where the future is – stunted growth in baby animals.

Oh sweet holy baby Jesus… It has arrived. The 18th Duggar child is now alive and among us. The Duggars, keeping with their super cool trend of naming their children with names that start with “J” have annointed the blessed one with the name Jordyn. We can now all rest in peace knowing that these crazy cult-like freaks have 18 healthy children that will each soon have 18 cult-like freak children of their own.

Do you think Jesus gave them baby Jordyn (I really can’t get passed that glorious and stately name) for Christmas? I do!

I love America. Sigh.

I don’t know if any of you have been following the joy that is The Real Housewives of Atlanta, but I am totally obsessed. Especially with Kim Zolciak, some hideous chick with gigantic breasts and the fakest hair you have ever seen. I can’t get over the above photo as I have to believe it is Kim’s weave – poor thing couldn’t stand being on Kim’s head anymore and so it up and ran away.

Anyweavy, last night was the reunion show and they asked Kim about her fake hair. Now, a normal person would simply say, “I like it and its my choice to wear this atrocious weave. I think it looks glamourous.” But not our Kimmy! No, no… She had to go and tell the BIGGEST LIE ever witnessed on cable television. She went and said that she wears the wig because she lost her hair to cancer. BUT (and now this is the best part), she then quickly goes on to say, “they thought I had cancer, but I didn’t”.

I LOVE this! I mean, this woman is such an imbecile she doesn’t realize that it is CHEMO that makes you lose your hair, not cancer. Oy, some people should not be allowed to speak. Actually I take that back, Kim should be allowed to speak whenever she wants as she entertains the hell out of me.

Click here to see the biggest lie in the history of the universe. You really should watch it. I especially love when the interviewer/moderator/zoo keeper asks her if she had cancer and she nods her head! LIES I TELL YOU… LIES!

God bless America.

Breaking news: Britney Spears and I share an opinion.

“In her new fly-on-the-wall documentary for MTV, [Britney Spears] is caught during a candid moment shopping with her assistant. As she holds up a blouse, she says, ‘Look, this is very mommy.’ Her assistant replies, ‘It’s very ugly.’ Britney wrinkles her nose and laughs, ‘It is very Katie Holmes.’”

Britney is right, people. Katie Holmes dresses like poop. Please see the below photo for a specific example. WHO IS DRESSING THIS WOMAN?!?! It’s sacriledge really, I mean to have all of that money, all of those designers at your disposal, all of those FREE CLOTHES that people throw at her, and she wears this?!?! She should be sent to prison for becoming the doudiest woman alive. Ugh, she is annoying.

You know, I momentarily forgot about these crack heads and their crazy crackiness, but word on the street is these two lovahs are getting back together. I think it’s a beautiful thing, I mean who else (besides crack) could ever love these people? True love is majestic to watch.

I am totally making these things this week. Look at how cute they are! I love them and want to pop them into my mouth one at a time while the other succulent Mummy Dogs watch in horror. Tasty. In case you want to make them, click on the photo for the recipe.

HAHAAHA AHAHAHA AHAHA! Oh ya, this is good. Watch to witness the glory that is some German guy making fun of Will Smith to his face. Plus this guy does a Will Smith impression better than Will Smith. Brilliant. Germans, I forgive you for the Holocaust after this, but you all have to write a thank you letter to the guy with the Ukulele.

Where the hell can I get my hands on one of these little gems? Little Krissy would go crazy for this joy. Come on, people it’s ceramic Bunny Porn! Note how he (I can only assume that the one not in a dipped position is the male) is cupping her bunny boob and how she looks like she wants to hop the fork out of there… This is good stuff.

Here are Sally & Johnny; apparently black people love them. Hilarious. Click on the link to check it out.

http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com/

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